Bah-hum-bug.

Tonight some friends and I watched "A Christmas Carol" starring Jim Carrey. I have not yet read the classic book by Charles Dickinson but judging by the language and voicing of the film it would not surprise me if the movie was very accurate to the book. What really stuck out to me about this movie was how much I could relate to some of Scrooge's thought process.

Lately I have had the desire to distance myself from people. This isn't an uncommon thing for me personally because honestly, I do love people, I love my friends, and family,(im not one to really say "I need my space" but I suppose we all have our breaking points) but sometimes I need time to think for myself and assess my motives and desires. I am discovering that I have some abandonment issues from past dealings, and, as of recent, I have discovered that I have a trust issue. I saw these things as fully matured ways of life in Ebenezer's life. When life gets me down I usually want to distance my self from people. I know why this is. I get fed up with relying on people, to any degree, and so often I want to just either take control and get things done at whatever cost, become a fly on the wall and do what I need to do away from the public eye, or just shut down and not do anything ... I think in essence I just seek to merely exist in the latter instance. Its at this point that I dont want anyones trust, trust is the one thing in people I strive to obtain, because there is a standard and degree of responsibility that is attached to that. So, I found myself relating to Scrooge's day to day way of life that was completely detached from as much social interaction as possible. Though, I know that this sort of life is not something that Jesus had in mind for me, or anyone for that matter, ultimately its a mentality that overcomes me from time to time. 

Another thing that Scrooge's personality really pulled into question for me was "do I allow my task to over power my emotions?" ... I dont think this is the case for me because, though emotions do not dictate truths for me on most levels, I find myself exhibiting certain emotions pretty frequently. Indeed, most responses can be spurred on by an emotion. Some emotion triggers each response inside of us, which begs the question "how can I control my emotional responses? ... Ultimately I have found out that I cant help the way I feel so much as I can prevent the way I respond. Yet again, this is a terrible conundrum for me because I am awful at holding things in, as was Ebenezer. But im also left with an emptiness, and a question: "what is MY task?

So, in essence, I relate to Scrooge because he doesn't want people to hurt him or effect him and by distancing himself from them he seeks to eliminate that outcome ... but he, and I at times, have forgotten that people can, and often do, effect me for the better. In fact, by hardening himself and creating distance he has indeed allowed them to effect him more than he is possibly aware of. In fact, when it comes to his failed marriage it was not he that was the victim, but rather his wife because he had become consumed with his task. He was the guy that Hebrews 13:5 is talking about. Ebenezer Scrooge was a horde, and a tight wad with everything! My dad would say "the boys so tight when he blinks the skin on his willy rolls back". The sad thing that he learns through his old business partner, Jacob Marley, is that his lack of love in life will forever bind him, and leave him in a state of emptiness and lost cause in death. At one point in the movie Ebenezer looks out his window to see many of these poor, lost spirits, like Jacob, who are forever bound and held captive in a sort of "purgatory" because of there deeds in life. One of the spirits is seen screaming at a women begging for money in the snow, exclaiming "I wish I could help you". But she does not oblige his plea because he is a spirit and she is a mortal, it doesn't even phase her. What finally broke Scrooge's heart was how people would remember him after he had passed on from this life. We all wish to avoid communal duties and still achieve an honorable legacy. How silly of us to think that the 2 do not coincide. Ultimately, I have to realize that this way of life is against the gospel, and I dont want that. I believe that God has good things for us, and even to the extent that we might be the good things in other people's lives.

Friends, I urge you, and hold me accountable also, to "Cast your bread upon the waters ..."(Ecclesiastes 11) and to lay your worries down to seek first the Kingdom of God and His righteousness(Matthew 6:33-34). No one said it would be easy ... in fact, they warned us that it would not be.