First, the episode within Matthew 19 depicts Jesus' response to the Pharisees questions concerning divorce- ironically we have, and can, gain insight as to what Jesus believes marriage is- and is not. But, let us remember that Jesus is addressing divorce- not marriage and singleness. This passage is often quoted by many single men and women within a ministerial position to justify their status (or so I have noticed)
And Pharisees came up to him and tested him by asking, “Is it lawful to divorce one's wife for any cause?” He answered, “Have you not read that he who created them from the beginning made them male and female, and said, ‘Therefore a man shall leave his father and his mother and hold fast to his wife, and the two shall become one flesh’? So they are no longer two but one flesh. What therefore God has joined together, let not man separate.” They said to him, “Why then did Moses command one to give a certificate of divorce and to send her away?” He said to them, “Because of your hardness of heart Moses allowed you to divorce your wives, but from the beginning it was not so. And I say to you: whoever divorces his wife, except for sexual immorality, and marries another, commits adultery. (Jesus is responding to the Pharisees here, so there understanding of the law needs to be taken into view)
Now the disciples are intrigued as they are looking on and listening to Jesus' current run in with the religious order of the day- their questions engender a sort of appeal ... sounds more like a dummy check to see if they understood what Jesus was saying.
The disciples said to him, “If such is the case of a man with his wife, it is better not to marry.” But he said to them, “Not everyone can receive this saying, but only those to whom it is given. For there are eunuchs who have been so from birth, and there are eunuchs who have been made eunuchs by men, and there are eunuchs who have made themselves eunuchs for the sake of the kingdom of heaven. Let the one who is able to receive this receive it.”-(Matthew 19:1-12 ESV)
Correct me if I a wrong but the "saying" that Jesus is referring to, the one that not everyone can receive, is that "it is better not to marry." It would be hard to imagine Jesus giving a position that was against marriage- but it would be equally as odd to imagine Jesus stating that one way (singleness) was better than the other (marriage). Jesus then makes an example out of the eunuchs and explains the different means to becoming a eunuch:
1. Eunuch from birth.
2. Eunuch due to castration.
3. Eunuchs due to celibacy (self control).
All of these forms of eunuchism are understood to be
for the sake of the Kingdom, but the odd detail is that the aspect of his polemic that is it understood to be something that "not everyone can receive" hinges upon the individuals sexual desires and sex drive- leastways, that is the impression that I am getting. At this point the conversation moves into a broader framework for me- the Kingdom is comprised of both married couples and singles. Indeed, single individuals are a byproduct of sexual intercourse between 2 individuals and the only way for that to be ordained within God's good creation is marriage. At multiple points in Israel's history God commanded his people to be fruitful and to fill the earth and subdue it.
So, my position dwindles down to this. I am not convinced that singleness is more "Kingdom" than marriage. However, I am not comfortable saying that for every individual the choice is exclusively their own- as a christian, Jesus is Lord. He wants to partner with us! If we are the church and Jesus is our head then the pathway through life, whether that means by way of singleness or marriage, needs to be something the Lord ordains and arranges- and we submit to. I don't think its healthy to emphasize the need for one and not the other as they are both positions advocated by both Jesus, and Paul. My personal struggle is not to adopt a superiority complex now that says "I am single, and while you married people look happy, you shouldn't be because you are a
spiritual failure (as one blogger has put it) rather its allowing the fruitfulness of God's mission for creation to be unraveled within the interesting relationships of the church body- comprised of both married couples and single individuals. Also, if I assume that position (and I will not) I would potentially be placing myself between a rock and a hard spot should I feel called by God to enter into a marital covenant in the future. Whoops! I think a big problem for us within this culture context is that marriage is something we have entitled ourselves to (we even believe that God has someone for all of us) We live in a society where the government will better meet your needs if you are married, and most churches won't hire you into a full time position unless you are married. The seems to be an emphasis upon the wrong vision.
A key point for me to remind myself of is that marriage is NOT about sexual desires, or romantic desires. Rather, marriage is about partnering together, committing ourselves to one another in order to establish God's kingdom in the here and now. Intimate relationships exist outside the confines of both marriage and sexual intimacy. However, for the purpose of procreation within the context of God's Kingdom the 2 must be married. Obviously, this conversation is quite slippery! I haven't even introduced Paul's writings into this conversation BUT we need to learn to interpret Paul through Jesus' eyes ... not vice versa!
Indeed, it is not good for man to be alone but thankfully we have one another- marriage certificate or not.
