Lately I have been asking myself a question; a question that is becoming more and more necessary for me to ask. I truly want to reflect Jesus and I want to experience that transformation from self-consumed indulgence to an "other-oriented" heart and mind. Here is what I do not want: I don't want to fool myself into believing that to achieve this means that I must simply swallow how I truly feel, at which point this transformation will come because I have exemplified some form of pseudo-ignorance. I want the real thing- not the emotional manipulation that we are used to. I don't want to feel one way and act another way. Most of all, when I am hurting, I do not want to feel obligated to just smile- I want to desire to smile. I don't want any faking ... from myself and from others. I want the things we talk about to be true. I want the people we are to be true. No obligations.
There is a bastard in me- a person who wants revenge, who wants to achieve great things, He wants comfort, and He wants to be respected. This person wants to be right, and he wants to be left alone. But, this person is raging war with the true person I want to be. (sounds like dualism on a personal level) I find myself crucifying this bastard all of the time. He is not wanted and I have no desire to keep him and nurture him. I want him dead, on a cross- a sport for the crows.
I have to constantly sift through my thoughts and emotions to avoid this bastards influence. So, I ask you: Who is the bastard in you that you need to crucify?
Welp. I should have known I'd have to think when I clicked on your link, huh?
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