Most of the time I feel like a madman. I see so many people walking around with a peace of mind that I can only envy. I can't help but view this world through the lens of the Gospel and as a side effect I often ponder everything ranging from a persons possible motives to the mindset that engenders their actions. I can't help but view myself most critically ... It just looks so nice to be able to set all of this aside and just watch a movie- some mindless task, enough to just let my mind rest and let my conscience surface long enough to catch a breath.
I have to pause every so often, take a look around, and wonder "what does it mean?" ... I can't help but consider the cost for everything that we have been offered. Its getting to the point that I can't function socially because I am constantly chewing on something; trying to figure it out or understand it (especially how to apply it to my life) Its an unending journey with obstacles around every corner.
So, I find myself wondering if I need some sort of aesthetic release? Do I need solitude? Do I need help- mentally? What will it take to set my mind at ease? After all, I just want enough time to hear my friends before their words and gestures become lost due to an overbearing conscience! Is this a problem all of my own? Are their others out their like me? It seems like the pursuit of God has stunted my relationships with other believers ... but why?
Maybe, at the end of the day I just want the same things for my friends that I want for myself. I want to know that this is achieving some sort of good within my community ...
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