Understanding

Time and time again it has been made very clear to me that peoples strengths are often times their greatest weaknesses. It is so easy to notice this sort of thing in everyone else's life but its a whole new ball game when we turn this perception on ourselves and view our strengths in light of a handicap. This is not to mention that the encouragement from others in regard to your strengths doesn't exactly help you to separate progress from destruction. I can speak from personal experience that while I had a whole group of people behind me pushing me in one direction it was ultimately the wrong direction for me and the "encouragement" of others made it hard to discern things clearly, be patient, and let the Lord lead. Often times people will encourage you in the direction of the obvious ... maybe "what is easiest" is more fitting? In fact, I have seen people measure "anointing" or "blessings" by the amount of ability an individual has. Now, just to be certain, our abilities, and in some scenarios, our talents, are gifts from God. But, this is not to assume that because someone is better at something that they are more anointed or blessed than another. Some people are born with a better ear than others and because of that we tend to attach our creative identities to a more audibly exuberant  expression of that creativity. Some of us are more skeptical, critical, and rational than others so we attach ourselves to a deeper outlook on the surreal and the relative- which, like all things, differs according to the individual. I also want to address the topic of "favor" right quick. I can think of multiple instances in scripture where the favor of the Lord was something that most people would not associate with a "blessing" but this is not to assume that by the assumptions of the general public that it is not in fact a blessing. Im just saying that maybe we all need to redefine these terms and we also need to be weary of how we label things in order to not discredit others in light of what we assume. Regardless, we are all seeking to express ourselves.

Im pushing a 2 fold point here, one is general while the other is personal. My first point (speaking in general) is that in light of the common language of the church I find terms like these to be important and intriguing- I want to understand them and what they imply. Most importantly I want to know how they reflect God and His love. I also find that to be ways that people build others up while tearing others down. One time we played at a church and afterwards the pastor asked the worship leader I was playing with to come up on stage. He told the congregation that "this boy has an anointing on his life, he has been called by God", to which the entire congregation started in with their steady proclamations of "amen". Now, while I believe that this worship leader has been called by God (He is a christian after all, saved by grace through faith) I had no reason to believe that his calling was any more anointed than anyone else's in the room. In fact, the people of this congregation, to me, seemed to be exalting his accomplishments in an attempt to put to rest the conviction that they too had been "called" by God. I do not want to fool anyone into thinking that any form of passivity in ministry is acceptable- especially because someone else is out there doing the work. Jesus after said "The harvest is plenty but the workers are few." Ultimately, in all humility, if someone ever praises me I am quick to remind them that I am just like them and that they to can do the things I do ... I am no more prized in God's eyes than they are. It is extremely important that we are reminded of this- including myself. I refuse to believe that someone with a pretty voice is anymore capable of advancing the kingdom than the individual with a tracheostomy, that now has to apply their finger to a valve in their throat in order to speak. At this point I worry that people have missed a huge lesson from scripture- our situations do not define us. Maybe I am biased, and a bit jaded on this topic because, I admit, the pastors comment hurt me because he ignored the strengths of the other guys who had lead worship in light of the guy who was singing. It just seems so counter productive to me, in view of the body of Christ and the Kingdom of God, that we maintain this sort of mindset. It almost suggest that fear is gripping people. Are people afraid to learn because they may wrestle with what they believe?

My more personal point I want to make is this- understanding is my greatest strength and my greatest weakness. I love to understand. I have an abundance of patience when it comes to learning and understanding. But, it is also a huge problem for me. Its a problem on a social level for me because when people do things that I do not understand I desperately want to understand, and if I cant- well, then I get upset. This is not to assume that just because I, or anyone, does not understand someone's behavior or mentality, in a positive light- based off of what I have seen in the individual- does not mean that I, or anyone, is at fault because our conclusion is not an uplifting conclusion. That in itself is another thing I don't understand- (enter the struggle) How are we to assume that all conclusions that people draw from us, and about us, are going(this is assumed so often) to be "good" or "positive" ... how is that model beneficial? And how did humility get ousted in all of this? Am I exercising humility in my discernment of others? Am I seeking to establish or destroy? What is the balance between understanding and humility- exhorting and admonishing? It probably feels like I am calling others to join in my weakness but I am asking people to join in this strength so that we can strengthen and sharpen one another. 

I raise all of these questions to make a point- understanding is crucial and in no way do I believe that individuals should compromise the desire to understand because "other people are doing that"... I believe the Lord wants us to understand Him deeper and deeper on a daily basis. While the desires of musicians, and poets, artist, and pastors may be gifted in their task it is NOT without understanding. God processes all wisdom and understanding and He extends that to us daily. The bible speaks so highly of the man who understands and the Bible also reaffirms God's lack of partiality. Riddle me this and riddle me that!  

Is the musician any less responsible for seeking the knowledge and understanding of God than the biblical theologian? Where did Jesus get his knowledge? Was Jesus not fully man and fully God? Didn't Jesus want his disciples to understand? Isn't understanding a work of the Holy Spirit?  What about Proverbs? Would not the beginning of knowledge, being the fear of God, imply all the more that God wants us to understand Him? thereby knowing Him deeper? Soooo many questions ...

"Desire without knowledge is not good, and whoever makes haste with his feet misses his way"-Proverbs 19:2

I am trying to figure this all out still. When have I gone to far? When have I not gone far enough? Is this something I need to surrender?